That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
