Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
