Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
