i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
