whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
