God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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