Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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