it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
