Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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