genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
