she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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