In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
