You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
