It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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