sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
