don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
