i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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