Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a hot homeless man
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
