Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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