Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
