Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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