ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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