Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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