dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
