Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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