There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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