not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
