idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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