When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
