I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
