i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
