U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
