arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
