I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
