just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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