Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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