Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
