the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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