I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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