I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I need to calm my uterus...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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