U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
