Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
