I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
