apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
