I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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