I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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