Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
