I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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