I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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