we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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