gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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