I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
