i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
please come you make the beer taste better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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