I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
