I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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