She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
